Atlas   Rules   Resources   Adventures   Stories       FAQ   Search   Links

Sarcastic Mystara

by James Mishler

Some not so funny, quite ironic jokes on Mystaran countries.

What's the difference between a honest Glantrian and Bigfoot? Bigfoot has been sighted.

How come Alphatian wizards always have a clear conscience? They never use it.

Why are Rockhome rulers so stupid? Because they are selected among Dwarves.

I am so old that I can remember the time when Eriadna was a virgin.

The Thyatian who smiles when things go wrong has found someone to blame for it.

Ierendi, what a wonderful nation! I was inattentive for a moment! Nothing happened!

When Glantrian commoners make a riot, they first ask the wizards for a licence.

Here in Esterhold we are so independent, now, that we can stay awake till late at night without telling Eriadna.

What's the difference between the Thyatian empire and the Alphatian empire? The first is the exploitation of humans by other humans, the second is the exploitation of humans by other humans.

If in Glantri honest men should rule, then it would be a Monarchy.

If in Heldann intelligent men should rule, then it would be an Anarchy.

Why didn't vultures attack Stefan Karameikos in the desert? Courtesy between colleagues.

Enter the Heldannic Knights, travel around the world, meet interesting people and kill them.

One day I'll have to enter in the mind of a Ylari, to experience the feeling of True Void around me.

New jokes. Sort of.

If you tell an Ylari he's a Genius, he'll try to fit in every lamp he sees.

A man from Darokin finds it hard to believe in ideals. But for an adequate amount of money, he will surely try to.

I firmly believe that the NACE will make Alphatia what it was once. A polar region covered with ice.

Intuition. That marvellous instinct that tells a Heldannic Knight that he is right...even when he is not.

When a Minrothad merchant and your money meet, they get along very fast.

A Hattian: the more stupid he is, the more he thinks others are inferior.

Everybody thinks that the Immortals are on their side. The rich and the powerful ones know that it's so.

If you help a Thyatian in trouble, he will remember you. The next time he's in trouble.

When I want to know what the Alphatians thinks, I ask myself. (heard from Eriadna)

Thyatians love equipe work. It give them the chance of blame others when things go wrong.

Half of the lies they tell about me are true. (heard from a Glantrian noble)

Civilised orc. That sort of fellow that enters in a restaurant and orders a waiter.

The difference between pre- and post-War Esterhold. Now you first vote and then receive the orders, before you didn't waste any time voting.

It's not true that Dwarves don't like horses. Dwarves are excellent riders. They have taught all their horses to jump over obstacles using the Fosbury method.

What's the fastest way to a vampire's heart? Through the chest with a pointed stake. (Hey, Morphail...what are you doing here?! no! NOOOOO!!!!)

A Dwarf walks into an inn in Specularum, orders three pints of Kelvin Beer and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the desk and orders three more. The innkeeper asks him, 'You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time.' The Dwarf replies, 'Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Dengar, the other in Darokin, and I'm here in Specularum. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together.' The innkeeper admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The Dwarf becomes a regular in the inn, and always drinks the same way: He orders three pints and drinks them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the desk for the second round, the innkeeper says, 'I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss.' The Dwarf looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs. 'Oh, no,' he says, 'everyone's fine. I've just quit drinking.'

The best people, like the best wines, come from the hills. (halfling proverb)